


flower that blooms inside you

by helianthus (jeongjohnny)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25306279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongjohnny/pseuds/helianthus
Summary: Donghyuck never knew when it started, but once he realized he was in love with Mark, he could not stop. The flower petals that came with it are something he didn't expect, though.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	flower that blooms inside you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is my first ever fic! I have always been a reader and have enjoyed hundreds of amazing fic, and always wondered, how would it feel to write my own? So I finally gathered up my courage to write and post this ^^ 
> 
> Please do give it a try! I hope you guys like it~

Donghyuck never knew when it started, but once he realized he was in love with Mark, he could not stop. 

He wondered how he hadn’t realized about his feelings sooner. Since then, he kept on sneaking glances at Mark during dance practices, the way his sweat makes his shirt cling onto his skin, his concentrated face, his shoulders getting broader over time. Most of all, he noticed the way the edge of Mark’s eyes always crinkled and his smile a tad bit wider whenever he talked to Lucas. And everytime it happened, his heart never failed to clench painfully at the sight. It is a relief that at least Lucas was not in the same subunit as them though, so the number of times Donghyuck had to witness such was lessened.

Donghyuck himself was aware that Mark would always regard him as ‘Chubby Little Hyuck’, whom he knew from years ago when they were still children and would only think of him as a younger brother. He never let himself imagine that Mark would love him back in the same way he does. That’s why when the first petal fell out from his mouth, he knew that he was going to die. 

It had started like a normal cough. He felt a tickle in his chest, a scratch in his throat, and had initially about to rule it as the start of a cold. However when it had not subsided by the time he drank the medicine he always relied on for cold, and even got worse, he knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until they finished dance practice, late at night when he was in the shower, that he coughed up blood, and with it, a petal fell out of his mouth. It was pale yellow, tinted with a hint of red of his blood.

Later after he cleaned himself up and threw away the coughed-up petal, he searched for the meaning of the pale yellow colored petal. Once he saw the results, he almost laughed at the irony. Pale yellow daffodil, the symbol for unrequited love, as well as death. He thought, what better way to describe his current ordeal, his unrequited love was going to kill him slowly. Absentmindedly, he closed the tabs of his search, and shut down his laptop. He made sure to walk carefully to his own bed to avoid waking Johnny, who was already sound asleep, up.

After that, everything went as usual for a few weeks or so, Donghyuck taking extra caution in making sure that the other members didn’t notice him leaving the practice room every once in a while and wondering why he was going to the bathroom more frequently as time went on. The coughs were getting worse though, and it was increasingly harder to just pass it off as some ordinary cold. It was also taking a toll on his body, him feeling lightheaded most of the day and his body sluggish, making it difficult for him to follow on to the dance routines. But Hyuck practiced harder than ever to cover his shortcomings, so no-one questioned him about it. 

It wasn’t until a month had passed from the first petal that someone else found out. It wasn’t a shock that Johnny-hyung became the first person to figure out about this, seeing that he is the most attentive one in the group, being one of the oldest and the father figure of the group. Hyuck was laying down on his bed, playing with his phone when suddenly he felt petals were coming up his throat, more than the previous waves. He immediately jumped off of his bed and went into the bathroom to cough up the petals filling his throat. He was hacking wildly when he felt a hand touch his back. It didn’t leave until after the coughs subsided, the warm hand kept on stroking his back and shoulder, coaxing and calming him down from his episode. Hyuck didn’t dare to turn his head and look at the intruder, as he knew exactly to whom the big, warm hand belonged. 

After a while, Johnny finally spoke, “Haechan-ah, since when has this happened?”, his voice smooth and warm, yet had an underlying tinge of sadness and sorrow. It echoed in the confines of the small bathroom.

“It’s been a while, Johnny-hyung. Don’t worry, I will take care of it,” Hyuck answered, his throat raw. 

“I can’t help but worry for you, Hyuck. You’re like my brother after all.” Donghyuck couldn’t help the scoff coming out of his mouth, his voice bitter. “I’m sure that’s also what he thinks of me.”

“It’s Mark, isn’t it?” Johnny’s face came into realization, but there’s nothing that indicated that he was surprised by his exclamation, it being more of a rhetorical question rather than a real one. Hyuck didn’t answer, but the silence in itself was already confirmation enough for both of them. 

“Hyuck, you should tell him.”

Donghyuck shook his head furiously. “No, Hyung. The only thing he’s going to be feeling for me if I tell him is pity, and I don’t want that. Knowing him, he would try to fall in love with me. And I don’t want him to force himself to love me, even when he doesn’t.” 

“Then you should get the surgery to remove it as soon as possible, Hyuck.” Johnny’s hand held his shoulder tighter.

“I—,” He started to reply, but the words wouldn’t form. He knew that Johnny-hyung cared for him, and would have wanted him to quickly reply with a ‘yes’, but he couldn’t lie to him. 

And Donghyuck has thought about it before. About having the surgery. Thought about how he wouldn’t feel as much pain as he was feeling now. Thought about how his heart would stop aching every time he saw Mark looking at someone else with a gaze filled with love.

But then his mind would go to the happy memories he made with Mark. Mark, his childhood friend and best friend who was always there whenever he was having troubles and feeling sad or tired from the amount of practices, tight schedules, and when he felt like he messed up. Mark whose smile can light up his world. And the thought of losing it all made him want to throw up. Because he was sure that he would forget it all if he did the surgery. After all, all the small things and every time spent with Mark are what made him fall in love with Mark in the first place. 

“I can’t do it, Hyung. If I have the surgery, I’m pretty sure I would forget all about him, Hyung, not just my feelings for him. Because I fell in love with everything that he is, and to forget my feelings I would have to erase all my memories with him. And I’d rather die than forget how he made me feel.” Donghyuck’s lips quivered, and tears involuntarily came out of his eyes. 

Johnny was silent for a moment. And then, softly, he said, almost a whisper, “Hyuck, please have the surgery. I don’t want you to die. You got to start cherishing your life. Your life is worth more than this, Hyuck.”

“I will try, Hyung. Can you please give me more time to think about this? And please don’t tell the others,” Donghyuck pleaded, wiping the tears running down his cheeks.

“Of course, Hyuck. Anything for you.” 

“Thank you, Johnny-hyung.”

\---------------------------------------

The next time he coughed up petals, he ran as fast as he could from the practice room where he was with Taeyong and Doyoung, fortunately arriving earlier than the 10th floor residents who came with a different car. It was almost quick enough for the others not to notice his predicament. Nevertheless, it gave just enough time for a petal to slip from his fingers. And it was enough to alert both Taeyong and Doyoung of Donghyuck’s illness. 

Donghyuck was throwing up pale yellow petals down the toilet bowl when he barely registered someone’s hurried steps and the restroom door being opened. “Taeyong, I read your text saying there’s an emergency. I ran as fast as I could. What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Johnny-hyung. Donghyuck sighed, relieved. But then Johnny’s words registered on his brain and he froze. Taeyong and Doyoung-hyung. They knew. 

“Johnny, it’s… it’s Donghyuck. He’s in the second from the left stall. He’s… he dropped this.” Taeyong handed over the petal that had dropped earlier to Johnny, and he stiffened. Sensing the sudden rigidness of Johnny’s pose, Doyoung asked Johnny, “What’s happening to him, Hyung? Is he sick? Did you know about this?” He demanded. 

“I...yes. He told me to keep it a secret from the others for the time being.” Johnny replied, defeated. 

“How could you keep this from us?! Johnny-” “Stop it, Taeyong-hyung.” Taeyong paused, switching his attention to Donghyuck’s limp figure near the toilet bowl. “Don’t get mad at Johnny-hyung, I am the one who asked him not to tell anyone about this. If you want to be mad, be mad at me instead.” 

“Haechan-ah, are you okay? Let’s go to the infirmary. Johnny, hurry and help me carry Haechan. And we’ll talk later about this.” Taeyong immediately went beside Donghyuck to help him get up. “Doyoungie, please make some excuse for us if the others come before we get back. Lead the practice in my stead, will you? I’m trusting you with this. Thank you, Doyoung-ah.” 

Still standing at the door, Doyoung snapped out of his thoughts. “Yeah, sure. No worries, Yong, I can handle the others.” Shifting his focus to Donghyuck who was holding onto Taeyong and Johnny, Doyoung added softly, “I hope you will be okay soon, Hyuckie. There is no way someone would not like you back. And even if they don’t, you know that we all love you right? Your health and wellbeing are more important to us. We just want you to be happy, our full sun.” He reached out and patted Donghyuck’s hair softly, before heading back to the rehearsal room, a mission in mind. 

Donghyuck nodded a bit, before his sight went blurry from unshed tears, a result from the painful hacking he had earlier or the reminder of the extent of his hyungs’ love for him, he did not know. He walked a few steps before his legs went wobbly and suddenly black dots were flashing at his eyes. The last thing he heard was Johnny yelling “...Hyuck!” before his vision went black.

Donghyuck woke up tucked in a bed in the infirmary to the faint whispers of Taeyong speaking. Ah, Taeyong-hyung was talking to Doyoung-hyung, probably catching him up on Donghyuck’s condition. He slightly moved his leg, trying to not alert the other people in the room. Though, he didn’t count on Johnny being right beside him and suddenly, everyone’s attention is on him again. 

“Hyuckie, are you feeling better? Do you need anything? Ah, do you want something to drink? Water?” Johnny fussed, pouring a drink for him. 

“Thank you, Johnny-hyung.” Hyuck accepted the glass, although his ears were slightly red from the attention. 

The room was silent for a while while Donghyuck finished up his glass of water, until Johnny spoke up, “Hyuckie, I know that you want to keep this a secret, but you can’t go on like this. You can’t just ignore this illness and hope it would all go away. You need to be honest and ask him how he feels about you.” 

“Him? Who is it, Johnny? Haechan-ah?” Taeyong asked.

Johnny glanced at Donghyuck, gaze questioning the latter, trying to ascertain whether he wanted to let the others know about this. Donghyuck sighed, and gave Johnny a slight nod. “It’s Mark.”

Donghyuck averted his eyes and looked down to his blanket, fisted tightly in his clutches. He wanted to avoid the others’ gazes, afraid to find pity in their eyes, or worse, disgust. Taeyong and Doyoung weren’t having any of that though, and called him gently, almost like a whisper, “Donghyuck-ah, look at me. We don’t hate you and will never hate you for whoever it is you fell for. You love whoever you love, and no one, not even you can help it. We will always love you no matter what, remember that.”

Donghyuck raised his head at Taeyong’s words, slightly unbelieving. Yet all he could find in their eyes was love and worry. For him. He then looked at his members. Really looked at them, and thought. Johnny, who through time has become kind of like his real older brother, and had always been cheerful and lighten up the room. At that time his face was sad and solemn, faded wrinkles appearing as he frowned. 

Doyoung, who looked tired after practice and looked like he wanted to do nothing else but sleep, yet was out of breath from running all the way from the practice room to check whether Donghyuck was okay in the infirmary. Taeyong, who was silently crying, tears running down his face yet refused to look away from him, his face filled with concern. Concern for  _ him _ . 

He thought about the other members who were not there, yet he was sure would do anything for him. He thought about his family, his younger siblings who would always bother him when he was at home yet often called him to say they miss him. He thought of all these amazing people that he had no clue why they would care about him that much. It was more than what he deserved. What they don’t deserve, however, was to watch him slowly wither away and die. He thought about them and finally decided, “I will have the surgery,” he declared.

“We’re glad you decided to put yourself ahead first. You are doing the right thing, kid.” Johnny smiled fondly, and softly patted Donghyuck’s head. Taeyong and Doyoung then proceeded to group-hug Donghyuck.  _ Ah, this is a warmth I would love to get used to _ , Hyuck thought.

After a few hours, they decided to leave Donghyuck alone to rest for his operation the next day. Before Johnny stepped out of the room though, Donghyuck called him, “Johnny-hyung, I have one more favor.”

\---------------

Mark frowned at his phone, the screen showing his chats to Donghyuck. The boy has not replied to his texts since the previous day. He did not even come to the practice session yesterday, and Doyoung-hyung said he wasn’t feeling well. The latter said to him not to worry and that it wasn’t serious, but seeing that his messages were left unread by the boy he knew was always on his phone 24/7, Mark knew something was wrong. He just couldn’t figure out what.

While thinking, Mark heard a ruckus outside his room. “Is Mark inside?”, he heard a voice asked. Not long after, his door was being opened and Johnny slipped in. 

“Hey dude, I have something for you.” He noticed that despite his attempt to sound as cheerful as usual, Johnny’s face was kind of grim and there is an emotion he couldn’t place quite yet swimming in his eyes. “What is it?” “It’s from Hyuck.”

He didn’t know what he expected, but he most certainly didn’t expect to receive a piece of paper folded neatly. “What is this, Hyung? A letter? It’s so unlike Hyuckie to pass on a letter,” Mark said while taking the paper from Johnny’s hands. “What is this for anyways? Why won’t he reply to my messages instead, that fool. Where is he anyways?”

Johnny said nothing in reply, but Mark’s blood ran cold when he opened the paper and read the words written on it. It wasn’t a long letter, just 2 sentences written in a big font.

_ I love you, Markie. I’m sorry if I can’t remember you after this. _

_ Your Duckie _

Mark’s hands shook. “What is this, Youngho-hyung? What does this mean? Why won’t he remember me? And after what, exactly?”

“He is getting surgery right now, Mark. A flower removal surgery, to be exact. He told me to give it to you while he is getting it.”

Mark couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Donghyuck? Donghyuck loves him? Since when? And how? But then Johnny’s words registered to his brain. Hyuck is in the middle of the surgery. He’s too late. 

Tears involuntarily rolled out of his eyes. 

“Mark, don’t feel guilty about this. Hyuck didn’t want to tell you before because he doesn’t want to pressure you into liking him back. He will be okay, Mark.”

“No, Hyung. You don’t understand. I love him too, and now it might be too late for us. All of this because I was too much of a coward to tell him this.” Mark cried, clutching the fabric of the shirt over his chest.

“Oh, Mark. I’m so sorry,” Johnny whispered. Johnny reached out to pat Mark’s shoulder when his phone rang. “It’s from the hospital,” he said before accepting the call, slightly turning his body away from Mark.

“Hyuck’s surgery was successful. We can visit him in two hours... Mark? Will you be okay?” Johnny asked, concerned. 

Mark shudders, taking a deep breath before replying, “I will be there. I already fucked up before, I wasn’t there when he needed me the most. I need to be there now. For him.”

\-----------------

Donghyuck woke up to the beep of the heart machine beside him / to the sound of the IV drip beside him, feeling a bit disoriented. He didn’t know if he would end up forgetting all about Mark after the flower is removed, but seeing that his brain supplied him with memories of his encounters with Mark, maybe the surgery only removed his romantic feelings instead? 

_ My fear is unfounded _ , he thought,  _ well now at least I can remain by Mark’s side as a friend _ , unaware that a bitter smile spread over his face. 

He closed his eyes and was about to continue sleeping when suddenly, a voice from outside rang through the room. A fluff of brown hair emerged from the door, and Donghyuck’s eyes met with the intruder. 

“Hyuck! You woke up!” Mark exclaimed, his eyes glistening. “Do you… still remember me?” he continued.

“Hi, Markie.” Hyuck replied shyly. Mark’s face lit up when he realized that his Hyuck still recognized him,  and Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat.

And the thought dawned on him. Maybe removing the flower only erased his romantic feelings, and it was not enough to erase all of his memories with Mark. Maybe, since he has always been in love with Mark it stayed somehow. Maybe, he would always fall in love all over again just from the memories of Mark.

Donghyuck couldn’t stop himself from blurting out, “I think the operation failed.”

“Why?! Are you still hurting? Should I call the doctor?” Mark was panicking, his arms flailing around.

“Why the fuck does my heart still beat so fast when I’m with you, damn it,” Donghyuck half whispered, hoping Mark wouldn’t catch it. But he did. And Mark was stunned for half a second before smiling beautifully, “Hyuck, would you listen to me? I have something to say. I- I love-”

“No, no, don’t say it! Don’t throw those words around me just because you pity me, Mark! One unrequited love won’t kill me- or at least it won’t now since the flower is removed already.” Donghyuck grumbled.

Donghyuck wouldn’t meet Mark’s eyes until he felt Mark hitting his head softly and said, “You are really an idiot. The most insufferable idiot. Hyuckie, I have loved you ever since we were 14 years old. I loved you then, and I still love you now. I doubt I will ever stop loving you either, so be prepared to be stuck with me forever.” 

Donghyuck’s head, which had been looking down to his own hands holding tightly to the blanket, snapped up, his eyes finally meeting Mark again. Even though he couldn’t believe that this was real, because, how could it work so smoothly? But he could only find sincerity written on Mark’s face. Sincerity, adoration, and something else… Something that looked suspiciously similar to what was definitely shown on his own. Love.

And hope bloomed in his heart. “Really? Are you absolutely sure, Mark? Because there will be no take backs in the future,” he said. 

“Yes, Hyuck, I’m sure. I have never been more sure of something in my life,” Mark reached out to cup Donghyuck’s face and kissed his forehead softly. “May I?” He said, as if asking for Donghyuck’s permission. For what, Donghyuck did not know. But he knows for sure that his answer to Mark will always be, “Yes.” 

Their lips met and suddenly, all was well again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you for reading this until the end! I hope you guys liked it!  
> I chose yellow daffodils for Hyuck's flower because they symbolises good luck, love and fertility. The paler shades mean unrequited love or even death, meanwhile the brighter shades mean ‘the sun is always shining when I’m with you”. I thought it was really fitting for Mark and Donghyuck so, voila ^^
> 
> Your comments are very much appreciated hehe <3


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